Dealing with a divorce, especially a contentious one, can be an overwhelming ordeal all on its own. It’s a huge life change that is going to take some time to fully adjust to. Things get even more complex and overwhelming when there are children involved. Children tie you to your ex-spouse for quite some time, and there may be animosity or pain that won’t go away overnight. A Bloomington, IL, divorce lawyer can help you work out a parenting plan with a combative co-parent.
Sharing Custody With Contention
It can be difficult and immensely frustrating to have to rely on somebody you might despise when it comes to co-parenting your children. The importance of following a reliable parenting plan cannot be overstated. However, navigating that plan can be next to impossible if the other parent has vilified you and may even be trying to turn your kids against you. You may want to prioritize finding some sort of viable solution that benefits your kids, though that might be hard.
It’s important to prioritize taking care of your children over harboring resentment toward your ex, but that’s not always as easy as it sounds. Children can pick up a lot during the divorce process. They are often quite perceptive. Keeping them separate from your post-marital problems will be difficult, but talking to them about what’s going on might be the way to go. When your ex-spouse simply refuses to be civil, it can severely affect your kids’ emotional health.
After completing a contested divorce, it’s understandable to feel taken advantage of, betrayed, and resentful, but holding onto your pain and letting it affect your relationship with your kids won’t help anything. In fact, it might make it easier for your spouse to take control of the situation.
The only really reliable thing you can do when dealing with a combative co-parenting situation is to be the bigger person and try to push for ways you can approach difficult subjects in a respectful way. Be sure to document instances with your ex that are particularly rough, as they may help you in the future if the custody agreement changes. The court system will either push for joint or sole custody, depending on your situation.
How to Handle a Combative Co-Parent
While parenting is not always easy, co-parenting is even worse. You have to rely on somebody you might not even trust anymore, but you have to believe they are as invested in your child’s wellbeing as you are. Choosing to focus on your child’s welfare in a co-parenting situation means choosing to ignore petty arguments, letting irritations roll off you, and making sure you are a good parent in what is surely a confusing situation for your child.
Here are some tips for handling a combative co-parent that might come in handy:
- Don’t engage. There is one very important fact that you might need a reminder of from time to time. You are divorced. You’re not married to this person anymore. You are not responsible for their actions or anything they say. They are your child’s other parent, and the parenting plan is in place to make sure they don’t deviate from what you are doing. Don’t engage in their attempts at starting a fight, and they have no power.
- Prioritize logic. It can be difficult to choose to be logical and not to act with emotion. Reacting emotionally almost always leads to a worse situation and more problems down the road. If the combative parent doesn’t get their way, they may try to bring you down to their level or even threaten violence. Continue to react logically, document what needs to be documented, and avoid further contention.
FAQs
Q: What Is a Parenting Plan?
A: A parenting plan is a court-ordered document that lays out each parent’s expected responsibilities to their child. It might include a visitation schedule, the expected way to handle any disputes, and even certain contingency plans if needed. Both parents are expected to abide by this plan. If one of them doesn’t, they could face penalties from the court.
Q: Why Would a Parent Not Receive Custody of Their Child?
A: There are many different reasons why a parent would not receive custody of their child, and that doesn’t automatically mean they are a bad parent. Generally, if a parent isn’t given custody of their child, it’s because the court deems them unfit or unable to take care of a child at the time. They can work to improve their situation. Other times, custody is not given due to abuse, neglect, drug problems, or criminal activity.
Q: Can My Child Choose Which Parent They Want to Live With?
A: Whether your child can choose which parent they want to live with depends largely on the age of the child and your specific situation. When determining custody arrangements, the court will decide what it feels is right for the child. Many different factors are going to impact that decision. If the child is old enough to choose for themselves, the court may take their choice into consideration.
Q: Which Parent Gets Custody of the Child After Divorce?
A: It can be difficult to determine which parent is going to get custody of the child after a divorce. Every divorce is different. It is the result of personal decisions and many other factors that determine which parent is awarded custody. The court will consider each parent’s earning capacity, parental bond, and past actions to determine custody. Because the deciding factor is what is in the best interest of the child, it could result in either parent attaining custody.
Contact a Divorce Lawyer Today
Depending on your situation, you may have been dealing with a combative co-parent for some time. You might be well aware of how to handle them but are looking for additional help in strengthening your part in the parenting plan or modifying the custody arrangement. If you are new to this, you might be looking for legal help in changing your situation.
The legal team at Stange Law Firm can help you figure out what your options are and help you if you decide to pursue changes in court. Reach out to our team to speak to someone about your case.
